The deeply rooted womb envy of patriarchy
Also known as "wtf Freud?!"
Recently I found myself in a moment of rage, saying out loud “what the fuck Freud?!”
As a counselling graduate and psychology student, that’s something I think often, but rarely do I get so angry that I actually speak it out loud. Until the day I began thinking deeply about penis envy. Yes, penis envy.
For those who aren’t familiar with the concept, penis envy is a fundamental principle of Freud’s psychotherapy, the foundation of much modern psychology. It is based on Sigmund’s early “findings” that young girls have a tendency to manifest anxiety and resentment towards their mothers when they realise that they themselves do not have a penis, leading to what Freud referred to as the Oedipus complex (which we won’t go into here, that’s a whole other level of “wtf?!”).
Now I can’t say for sure just how representative a sample of young girls Freud used to arrive at this hypothesis, nor how reliable his findings actually were in suggesting that a lack of phallus was what actually underpinned the anxiety experienced by these children. But I can say that he made this hypothesis in 1908 Vienna, a time and a society that were – just as we are today – built upon the foundation of patriarchy.
So if girls were indeed anxious about their lack of penis? Well, it was likely less about the fact that they wanted a penis, and more about the fact that society was already whispering the lie to them that they were somehow lacking because of their biological sex!
I wonder then, what Freud would have found if he’d studied young girls in other, less patriarchal societies, or – and you know where I’m going with this – centuries earlier, when the Great Mother was seen as the most important deity in the world and women themselves were considered sacred and powerful? I would bet my home on the fact that he wouldn’t and couldn’t have diagnosed penis envy. Or, that if he did, he would’ve also noticed womb envy in young boys too.
Talking womb envy
I should say here that the term “womb envy” also isn’t a new one; in fact Karen Horney suggested all the way back in 1926 that men come to develop this mindset when they realised that they are not, according to our patriarchal societies, allowed to be nurturing or emotionally connected to others.
For as much as that sentence breaks my heart, of course I know it to be true. Gender roles and stereotypes have caused so many problems not only within our society but for so many of us individually financially, physically, emotionally and, yes, psychologically too. That’s something we could write whole books about – and goodness knows many books have already been written on it, so we won’t get into the politics or even the emotion of it now.
But as a Divine Feminist, the things I’m fascinated by are the energetics and the spiritual side of this conversation. Because how does the idea of womb envy tie into spirituality and, perhaps especially, to the resurgence of the Divine Feminine in the West?
Let’s go all the way back to a time when people worshipped the Great Goddess above all else; when people saw that Goddess as the most powerful force of all because of her ability to grow and birth life.
And who else can grow and birth life? Those with wombs of course. Those with the ability to take two cells within their bodies and alchemise them into new life; whose experience of birthing that life sees them stand at the doorways between the worlds as they push a person from one into the next; whose natural rhythms ebb and flow like the Moon and the tides; and who have the same ability to seduce and enchant nature so beautifully displays to us each and every day.
In many ways, those with wombs have a lot in common with the Great Mother Herself; there is a lot there to revere and to celebrate.
Which means that there is a lot there to fear and be envious of; particularly for those who don’t see themselves reflected in the highest power of the times and so are led to see themselves as somehow less than.
As anyone who has ever been led to feel that they are somehow lacking will tell you, those feelings often lead us on one path – to prove ourselves. And for some people, unfortunately, the easiest way to do that is by bringing others down.
Enter the original architects of patriarchy.
They began by telling us that the Great Mother was only ever subsidiary to a higher, all-powerful God. Then they reminded us that women themselves were nowhere near as important as men; unworthy of education, unable to take on positions of responsibility, unfit for anything but the birthing of children that only they were able to do, and all-round weaker than men.
And when even that didn’t help those original patriarchs to feel any more deeply connected to nature what did they do? They diminished the power of nature too, disconnecting further and further from the natural world until it became something they tolerated, suppressed, and controlled rather than honoured and held sacred.
Nothing and no one was left untouched by patriarchy’s desire for supremacy as anyone and everything that had ever made those original architects feel somehow less than because of their lack of womb suffered more and more over time.
Of course those who identify as men have suffered as a result of this too. Not only because of the diminishing connection with Earth and all things yin, but also because of the ways that the true yang energy masculinity is rooted in has, over time, been chipped away at and forgotten in favour of an all-consuming patriarchal force that claims to personify not only the masculine but yes, the power of the penis too.
Learning to curb the envy on both sides
When will we come to realise that patriarchal structures, power systems, and definitions were never the natural order of anything but simply things created by individuals who were afraid they would be left behind thanks to a serious case of womb envy?
That’s not to say that I believe the womb to be more powerful than the penis, nor that I believe women would never experience even a hint of penis envy within a non-patriarchal society. After all, both are potent organs with incredible roles to play in their own right, and we humans do have a tendency to think that the grass is greener on the other side!
But if we ever want to move forwards from a place of true wholeness and empowerment, that’s a mindset we really need to overcome – especially when it comes to wombs and penises! It’s long past time that we stopped pitting one against the other and, indeed, even putting so much store into this binary of life that was built upon the misinformed idea that any one of us is in some way “better than” the other because of who we are, the experiences we have, the bodies we were born into, or the people we grow up to be.
Hasn’t that mindset done enough damage?
Isn’t it time instead that we began to honour the whole spectrum of energy and possibility that exists within us and recognise that it is all – as we are – powerful, sacred and beautiful?
To lean into what comes naturally to us and honour the hell out of that, while honouring one another with just as much reverence?
And I guess this is why I’ve come to the decision that Freud will likely never be a Divine Feminist. Because the task of overcoming penis – or in fact womb – envy, is not about somehow settling for who we are, but about re-membering every aspect of who we are, and truly honouring that for ourselves and one another.